You’re Not Crazy… Dating Is Broken

This was a post on a singles group on Facebook and I had some thoughts on it and wanted to respond in full.

To all the women out there, single or not, I have an honest question as someone who is recently single and has tried these dating apps. It seems impossible to meet anyone in public anymore because, as a man, if I approach a woman—regardless of age—I am often labeled a "creep" or belittled in front of her friends. It feels like this isn't just happening to me, but to single men everywhere. Why do you feel it is funny or right to humiliate a man just for trying to introduce himself? I have even heard of instances where men face legal trouble simply for approaching someone. I also have a serious question about the photos I am seeing on dating apps.

Why do so many women, even those in their 40s and 50s, choose to post pictures of themselves in underwear or lingerie? To be honest, it does not come across as classy; instead, it signals to men that you are only looking to get laid, which leads to women being used for exactly that. If you aren't looking for that kind of attention, I genuinely want to know why you choose to present yourselves this way.

Finally, I am trying to understand the disconnect. You reject, humiliate, or even threaten men in public for approaching you, but then turn around and ask where all the "good men" have gone. The reality is that many men don't want to date anymore because of exactly these behaviors. So, honestly, why do you do this? I am asking for a serious answer to help me understand what is going on.

This was a post on a singles group on Facebook and I had some thoughts on it and wanted to respond in full.

This isn’t an attack. It’s a reality check… for everyone.

A lot of men aren’t afraid of rejection. We’re afraid of humiliation. There’s a massive difference. Rejection is a clean “no thanks.” Humiliation is laughing, filming, shaming, or labeling a man a creep for the crime of saying hello like a functioning adult. That shit stacks up fast. After enough public embarrassment, men don’t stop wanting connection… they stop engaging altogether.

And before anyone runs to the extremes… no, this isn’t defending harassment, persistence after a no, or inappropriate behavior. Those guys exist and they fucking suck. That’s not flirting. That’s being an asshole. I’m talking about respectful approaches that get treated like a public execution because it’s funny, performative, or earns social points with their shit friends. Decline like a lady and a fellow human being. A simple no is enough. Even if it comes on too strong or awkward, why the fuck are you offended that someone finds you attractive?

At the same time… us men don’t get a free pass here either.

If you’re approaching with bitterness, entitlement, sexual pressure, or the emotional residue of your last five bad experiences, people feel that shit immediately. If your energy says “prove yourself” or “I’m owed something because I’m nice,” you’re already fucking cooked. That’s not confidence. That’s unresolved resentment leaking out sideways like an open wound.

Dating apps and the lingerie Olympics… because this is where shit really goes sideways.

If you’re posting underwear shots, thirst traps, or soft-core boudoir photos, that’s your choice. You don’t owe anyone modesty. But don’t act confused when the attention you attract is sexual and disposable. Presentation matters. Signals matter. You can scream “men are trash” all day, but men respond to what you actually put out there. If your profile looks like an ad for access, don’t be shocked when you’re treated like a fucking option, not a priority.

Men are told: Don’t approach in public. Don’t make women uncomfortable. Don’t be creepy. Don’t assume interest.

Women are told: If he wanted to, he would. Where are all the good men? Why won’t men pursue anymore? Why don’t men chase? Where’s the effort?

You can’t have it both ways.

You can’t punish initiative, mock vulnerability, reward apathy, sexualize yourself for attention, then act shocked when serious men opt the fuck out. A lot of good men didn’t disappear… they quietly backed into the bushes like Homer Simpson because the game got fucking unhinged. Peace started to look better than playing a rigged system where one wrong read gets you ghosted, labeled, blasted online, or dragged socially.

But here’s where both sides have to own their shit.

Dating became performative. Humiliation became entertainment. Attention replaced connection. Accountability vanished across the board. And the apps trained everyone… men and women… to believe there’s always someone better one fucking swipe away. So no one treats the person in front of them as enough. Everyone is half-present, scanning for upgrades, leading with flaws instead of value.

This is where disposability kicks in.

A lot of men feel replaceable and valueless… not because they lack value, but because they know they’re one of fifty unread messages, one of ten guys reacting to a story, one of countless maybes in a digital waiting room. When a man knows he’s competing with a cloud of orbiters and endless DMs, he stops investing emotionally. Disposable things don’t get care. They get sampled, compared, and discarded for trivial reasons.

That doesn’t make women evil. It means the system is fucked.

Endless choice trains people to treat humans like fucking products. One slow reply, one missed text, one moment of uncertainty and someone gets silently replaced. No conversation. No closure. No accountability. Just gone.

And on the flip side… men respond to that environment by pulling back, emotionally checking out, and doing the bare minimum. They stop showing up fully. They stop risking vulnerability. They stop offering depth. Not because they’re weak… but because self-respect eventually kicks in. No grounded man wants to audition for affection while competing with a digital line of attention junk food.

So yes… women need to stop treating decent men like disposable NPCs.

And men need to stop showing up bitter, guarded, transactional, or outcome-obsessed.

If you want effort… don’t publicly execute it or quietly replace it. If you want consistency… stop feeding on attention from people you have zero intention of actually choosing. If you want depth… stop treating humans like temporary entertainment while waiting for something better to slide into your fucking inbox.

And men… approach without expectation. Speak without needing an outcome. Be interested without being invested too early. If it’s a no, accept it cleanly and move on like a grown man. If it’s a yes, don’t future-trip it into the ground. Curiosity first. Calm first. Presence first.

This isn’t about blaming one side. It’s about understanding cause and effect.

The apps didn’t just change how we meet. They rewired how we value people. When endless choice is always available, commitment feels risky, curiosity feels optional, and replacing someone feels easier than understanding them.

That mindset quietly rots connection from the inside out.

And if this makes people uncomfortable… good. Growth usually does.